Part Two: A Healthy Lifestyle without ED at the Helm
How to adopt healthy behaviors on our terms
In the previous blog, “Reclaiming ‘Health’ in the Eating Disorder Field”, we introduced the idea of adopting healthy lifestyles on our terms, without ED in charge. This is somewhat of a tall challenge, and we felt it deserved a separate blog to examine how this might play out.
We start with awareness, noticing thoughts and underlying fears of making “healthy” changes.
For some, when they adopt healthy practices, such as exercising regularly and eating balanced meals, the eating disorder will be very pleased. It will congratulate them because they are “back on the track to changing their bodies”. They might be plagued by thoughts like these:
“Finally, I am going to lose weight again”
“OMG I am going back to restricting”
“I am going to lose my permission to eat”
“It’s true that I am too fat. Others think I should lose weight too”
“They want to take away my right to eat what I want”
“I’m no longer going to be able to eat anything delicious”
“I have to be hungry all the time”
“Yuck I have to go back to the gym”
“I’m not thin enough. Not fit Enough. Not good enough”
“To do it right, I am going to have to stick to x amount of food and x amount of exercise daily”
Just because similar thoughts might arise does not necessarily mean that we are “back in the eating disorder”. Keep in mind, that disordered thoughts will come and go, even in recovery for some. Thoughts are often automatic and something that we cannot control. Having thoughts is not synonymous with being in behaviors. Yes, ED will be happy whenever we do anything that might lead to weight loss And if the body changes, those thoughts might become more powerful. So, how do we protect ourselves from sliding?
I believe it is first accepting these thoughts for what they are; old, disordered neuropathways and cultural messaging. Then, not acting on them and not listening to them is key. Noticing, observing, replacing… maybe with something like this…
“Wow isn’t that interesting mind? Thanks for the information, but I am going to do things differently this time.”
“This is going to be on my terms, not ED’s.”
“The goal of moving and eating well is not to change my body shape or weight.”
“Movement makes me feel happy, strong, and competent”
“I like providing my body with nutrients to help it thrive!”
“I am committed to self-care now. Not self-destruction”.
Self-care now. Not self-destruction.
In this process, it may help to strengthen our inner protective and nurturing mechanisms so that we can respond responsibly to damaging thoughts such as the ones above. How would a parent respond to a child who wants to have what they want whenever they want? For example, a plate of candy in place of dinner? Or to continue eating when they are full? What is the loving response? How do we allow that child to enjoy all foods, including candy, with the appropriate boundaries? Too tight of boundaries create disorder and too loose of boundaries make us feel like we are free-floating and unsafe.
From an aware, self-care perspective we can begin to make better choices when we are eating and to couple that with the body, with what feels good. What does your body need? In early recovery, it feels like a constant balance between too little and too much. That balance is a very hard thing to achieve when we are not yet tuned in and connected. Unlike alcoholism where there is no question how much alcohol you can handle (none), with food, it can be murkier. Appetite and hunger are complex. It can sometimes be difficult to decipher what is driving our desire to eat. Is it the body’s need for more food? Is it our emotions? Our desire for reward? To make it all more complicated, dietary restraint likely remains the biggest catalyst for “food noise” but we are learning that certain foods such as ultra-processed ones, also tend to increase food obsession and overconsumption.
The first step to trusting ourselves as intuitive eaters is a tapping into our insight and awareness.
How to trust your body as an intuitive eater after recovery:
Strengthen interoception—the ability to sense the body’s internal signals such as hunger and fullness.
Obtain a basic understanding of how to cover our nutritional needs
Gain skills in reparenting ourselves with appropriate freedoms and boundaries
Overeating and dismissing health is not recovery. Health doesn't have to be micromanaged like how it was in the ED, but still shouldn't be neglected. We can acknowledge that some foods are simply better for us than others. We can acknowledge that our bodies need certain nutrients to thrive, and less of others to remain in balance. We can acknowledge that the right amount and right kind of movement is good for us and that we have agency in making these decisions around health without letting our eating disorders take over.
For more guidance on nutrition and exercise, read our previous blogs “Let’s Cover our Nutritional Bases” and “Intuitive Exercise”, the answer to compulsive exercise and exercise resistance.